The First Nivar Narrative

My mother was the one who mainly raised me. At 15 she arrived new to this country and knew no English, she dove headfirst into the growing and bustling Dominican community of Washington Heights in Manhattan, NY. 

I always say “I may be from the city, but I'm not a city kid”. Usually, you could catch me watching Disney Channel in my mom's bed in our upstairs 3rd floor apartment. I didn’t roam the streets as it wasn't always safe. It wasn't until high school that I walked to school seven blocks away from home. Sometimes I went to La Bodega when my mother asked me to.  What I recall while growing up in The Bronx in the 90’s and early 2000’s, was a place where we would cool off during the intense summer heat by what seemed like a 10-foot tsunami wave we created with an old car tire and a sturdy piece of wood around the water pumps. (what most would call fire hydrants) hoping the fire department wouldn’t come shut it down. 

The Bronx was a place of 25-cent Italian ice carts pushed by hard-working immigrants looking to generate an income and put food on their family’s table—the place you cautioned to wear non-gang colors not to be a target for unnecessary violence.  The Bronx is where I learned Salsa dancing from my mother in our third-floor living room apartment.

My mother will always be my first love. She once offered me the moon after being semi-kidnapped by four men on horses, one of whom was blind. (More on this in another narrative letter.) She raised me in the Bronx with my four siblings, technically my half-siblings, but they feel like both in my mind and heart! My mother instilled self-confidence and beauty into me, creating a strong, positive physical self-image.

Meanwhile, in the Dominican Republic, my father raised my other 3 siblings, and I would visit them 3 months out of the year. My mother made it a strong non-negotiable for us to travel yearly and experience her homeland and the truest home in her heart. It gave us a different perspective on how life could be lived. Watching kids as young as 10 with their shoe-shining business carrying a box with all their supplies. Being able to grab a fresh mango from the backyard. Free beaches with restaurants that catch daily fish to present to you and cook the day of.  My time in the Dominican Republic was filled with rollerblade accidents after believing it would be a cool idea to hold on to each other by the waist, chainlink style while being pulled by a motorcycle taxi called a motooncho, emergency surgery for my brother’s nearly burst appendix, and the desire to spend more quality time with my father than I did my Puerto Rican American Stepmother.   

My Father was, and still is, a workaholic. He has been building a small empire in the City of La Romana. He loves his daughters, and his way of showing it was to name his buildings after each of us. He spent most of his time building his businesses and with his daughters closest in proximity, leaving very little room for me, who lived 4 hours away in another country across the ocean. This meant I spent nine months out of the year with my mother. Leaving with the challenges of raising me to tackle on her own.

Growing up in the 90s as a bilingual, energetic, and inquisitive child came with challenges. At the time, the new way to fix kids and their enthusiastic nature was with Ritalin and lots of therapy. (This wasn't my favorite.) I grew up with an IEP. An IEP, or Individualized Education Program, is a legal document that outlines a child's special education needs and services. In other words, “You’re not like the rest of us kid.” With that came a stigma, lasting more years than I wish to count. I loved learning, but the school system saw me and other kids like me as a nuisance to the current system, and rather than adjusting, they made us feel ostracised. This created a low-level intellectual inferiority complex (I don't recommend it; I'm still trying to overcome this now).  I am constantly aware of myself and reframe from the narratives imposed upon me.

Speaking of which, let me introduce myself. 

My name is Sasha Nivar, and right now...

I have $0 in my savings account.

I have chronic knee pain and monthly menstrual period cramps that have been the bain of my existence.

I want to grow as an Entrepreneur even though everyone tells me I would be better suited as a Life Coach or Therapist.

I obtained my bachelor's with no proof of paper to show for it

I have more website domains than I do actual up-and-running businesses and a Google Keeps account full of ideas that have yet to be published.

I am a brat who also grapples with self-pride (Make that make sense)

I am a self-proclaimed lover and named myself the awakener of others, but now I'm in the healthiest, happiest, and most compatible relationship I've ever been i,n and my "lover" days are over…(Well, more concentrated.) 

I know a little and a lot about a few things, making me a self-proclaimed polymath.

I am undertaking the skills of writing, speaking, and community building as a new intentional endevour of self-expression and add value to the world around me.

In this newsletter, I write of the past, the present, the future, and the deeply pondered-upon thoughts in my mind, a life lived, navigating to a life filled with new paths of exploration, and sharing what has been explored. Thank you for joining me on this journey, and welcome to The Nivar Narrative.